random rantings

Mmeehhh

2011-03-02T16:26:00.003+08:00

I should start learning how to throw sentences like "i love yous" and "i miss yous" around. :)

2010-12-19T22:38:00.004+08:00

Oh ladeedumdum. I'm bored and I realized I have not blogged in AGGEESS. I miss writing. And ranting. Blah I think i need to talk too much till i reach a point where there's no one to talk to so i shall write to myself. It'll be as if I'm talking to myself. Right.? Yes? No? Oh dear, I'm nuts.

Currently contributing to the unemployment rate. I feel pretty much useless. lol. Everything and everyone is so heartbreaking these few days. You get hurt, and then you want to hurt. Grow up pls and treat ppl like they have feelings too cause they darn well do!

Actually I think I'm at a pretty good point in my life now cause well I'm jobless so i do not have to worry about the stress and pressure. Yea the only one thing that sucks is my love life. But then again when has it ever been perfect. lols. NONE of my relationships have been awesome. I know like some ppl say yay at least u have the memories or you noe its better to love than to have never but blah they don't know what was going on. What if I'd rather not have loved? What if now when I look back at my past relationships or crushes or flings, i realized that there was nothing to smile about but i only feel remorse?

Hmph. Maybe it is better to be single after all. Why am i so afraid of being alone? I think it's cause of the constant need of attention and love. lol. But it's not like i was getting that much when i was in a relationship anyways. Hah! I think it's just cause i feel like i need someone to fall back on when i got no one or nothing else, he will still be there for me, like how i will still be there for him. Sheesh.

I should totally date myself.

2010-11-27T02:39:00.002+08:00

It's only within a matter of time where one can stop pretending and everything starts to fall apart. The huge cracks which we have imaged to be so small starts breaking uncontrollably. Nothing can ever fix those cracks again. The small little important pieces have disappeared. It's like what we've been trying to hold on for so long has lost all sense and purpose. The ugly truth which have been covered up by pretty dreams are starting to surface. No tears, no pain, no love can sustain the fact where everything which was once so beautiful and perfect is now something so disgusting and wretched. A curse that no one dares to go near.

2010-11-27T02:37:00.001+08:00

When did u manage to creep inside my heart. How did u even find an opening? I thought i sealed my heart to perfection. Not a speck of dust could even enter. But you. You invented heart teleportation. It was so sudden and you were so untouchable and invincible that even the most sensitive alarms instilled inside me is baffled. I need you more than ever now. With just your voice you manage to turn that frown upside down.

Aisshh but why are you always disappearing. :C

2010-11-27T02:36:00.001+08:00

I think I'm falling madly deeply truly hopelessly IN love with you baby. I love you. How did u do it? How did u manage to squeeze that three words out of me? You kept me hanging on for MONTHS while you disappeared. I'm still hanging on and you're still disappearing but HOW did you manage to get me falling deeper by the day? Tell me baby, what's your secret? I really need you to feel the same way.

2010-11-27T02:33:00.001+08:00

There's no more denying it. Yeap. My heart beats for you. When will it get better? :C I'm afraid.

2010-11-27T02:32:00.004+08:00

How many times must we cry till we can smile again?

2010-11-27T02:32:00.002+08:00

I feel like a fool when every time i try to call you and u never picked up once.

2010-11-27T02:31:00.001+08:00

I wish i was a kid again. A time where i did not know pain or hurt even when i felt it. And it would never bother me at all. I would just think of it as an itch and go back to giving my dolls my utmost attention.

2010-11-27T02:30:00.004+08:00

Why do we keep hanging on even when we already know that it is never going to work out anymore? When the love is stained and all trust has been broken?! Why are we going back and forth with this silly little game which keeps hurting us? I don't fucking like the pain. I'm such a fucking idiot to have believed in you or love. Fuck this bullshit. You are not my life. I can still go on without you. But why the hell do i not want to let go. Why do i keep thinking that as long as you're still here, everything will be alright. I do not want to be controlled by this meaningless pathetic feeling anymore. I fucking hate you. Why is it so hard just to feel happy?! I want this to be over soon. I can't take this any longer.

2010-11-27T02:30:00.002+08:00

I do not want my happiness to depend on you.

2010-04-27T08:27:00.002+08:00

FEARS

“I am lying in my bed five flights up, and my day, which nothing interrupts, is like a clock face without hands. As something which has been lost for a long time reappears one morning in it’s old place, safe and sound, almost newer than when it vanished, just as if someone had been taking care of it – so, here and there on my blanket, lost feelings out of my childhood lie and are like new. All the lost fears are here again.

“The fear that a small woolen thread sticking out of the hem of my blanket may be hard, hard and sharp as a steel needle; the fear that this little button on my nightshirt may be bigger than my head, bigger and heavier; the fear that the breadcrumb which just dropped off my bed may turn into glass, and shatter when it hits the floor, and the sickening worry that when it does, everything will be broken, for ever; the fear that the ragged edge of a letter which was torn open may be something forbidden, which no one ought to see, something indescribably precious, for which no place in the room is safe enough; the fear that if I fell asleep I might swallow the piece of coal lying in front of the stove; the fear that some number may begin to grow in my brain until there is no more room for it inside me; the fear that I may be lying on granite, on gray granite; the fear that I may start screaming, and people will come running to my door and finally force it open, the fear that I may betray myself and tell everything I dread, and the fear that I might not be able to say anything, because everything is unsayable, – and the other fears…the fears.

“I prayed to rediscover my childhood, and it has come back, and I feel that it is just as difficult as it used to be, and that growing older has served no purpose at all.”

2010-04-27T08:19:00.002+08:00

needs to get away from all the happy couples/to be couples. This is just depressing. Hmph

all i need

2010-04-25T23:39:00.002+08:00

All I need in life are family, friends, money, and an amazing boy. I'm missing two of them.

HMPH

2010-04-24T21:55:00.006+08:00

I had loved you and i had cared but for you it had been just a fling to you.

Remember this. I could have been a fling then and you could have been the one. But as time passes by and by then only you start thinking, you will slowly realize that you were my fling, and i was the one for you because by then, you can never get me out of your head.

2010-04-23T03:22:00.002+08:00

Obviously, a girl does not like hearing stories about how a guy is chasing after a girl. Not when you want him chasing after you.

2010-04-23T03:16:00.001+08:00

Tired of chasing after nothings. Sighs

2010-04-20T19:13:00.001+08:00

You're so weird.

2010-04-20T18:49:00.002+08:00

But it's how you say 'em now that's changed
Cold but sympathetic all the same

Lie to convince me that I'll be better off
Oh, you go on and I'll be happier, I'll be happier
You go on, yeah, you go on
You'll be gone and I'll be happier

Shoot me with your rubber bullets
Your finger's on the trigger, pull it
I know you want this suffering to end
So it is forgivable my friend

It's all to convince me that I'll be better off
So you go on and I'll be happier,
You go on and I'll be happier
You go on, yeah, you go on
You'll be gone and I'll be happier

Say what you mean, what you mean
Cause you'll be happier without me, without me, without me, oh

You won't convince me, that I'll be better off
So you go on and I'll be happier, I'll be happier
You go on, you go
You'll be gone, and I'll be gone

2010-04-20T18:46:00.002+08:00

A Fine Frenzy is my friend in need :D Need to get my hands on their album.

A Fine Frenzy - Almost Lover

2010-04-20T18:35:00.000+08:00

2010-04-20T00:06:00.003+08:00

Jealousy does not play a big role on who i am but with you, it comes out like how volcanoes erupt it starts shooting out flames and larva but just replace the flames and larva with tears and pieces of a shattered heart.

My heart can't stop pounding. Sure to you it might not be such a big deal. You might think that I'm overreacting but you gotta understand that you have been ignoring me for days. You do not reply my text messages or answer my calls. You leave me hanging after every conversation we had. And yet I still hold on to you as tightly as i could ignoring the blisters in my heart. When did you ever have such control and effect on me I do not know.

But how is it that you manage to treat others so much nicer than me. I do have the right to be jealous here. Not out of foolishness or childishness but out of the ignorance, the heartaches, and sympathies i have gone through.

And it's all because of you. Please don't hurt me.

2010-04-19T23:23:00.005+08:00

You come around for awhile and then you start disappearing again. You like playing hide and seek, police and thief, and catcher and the rye with me. You got me looking everywhere anytime any day for you.

I keep searching and searching till i go "A-ha! I found you!" And then you would charm me up and put me under your spell again, get me all worked up and refreshed, and then you would start running and hiding again. It goes on and on and it never stops. At least not yet. But.

What if i stopped chasing one day? Would you care?

2010-04-19T07:37:00.001+08:00

i hope she's worth losing a friend and maybe some new found happiness :)

2010-04-19T03:09:00.005+08:00

I will ignore you every time you try to talk to me. I will ignore your phone calls, your text messages, your emails, your chats, your voice, everything.

But when you're not there for me to ignore, I keep looking at my phone hoping it'll ring. I keep going through my emails, my blog, my messenger. I keep waiting and waiting for a chance for me to ignore you again.

Because that's how I show you that it still hurts and i still care.

I could be

2010-04-19T02:56:00.002+08:00

I could be an organ donor, the way i give up my heart.

2010-04-19T02:39:00.002+08:00

It will never be the same again.

Do you know what hurts most about a broken heart?
Not being able to remember how you felt before.

You will.

2010-04-19T01:46:00.004+08:00

You will miss me.
You will want me.
You will need me.
You will wish that i am there with you.
You will love me.
One day, you will.

GLEEfully funny

2010-04-18T03:00:00.002+08:00

It all started when Jim borrowed my season 1 Glee which was apparently incomplete.

Jason informed us that new series of Glee are out already so i got confused and asked him if it was the new season.

Jason: No! Season 1 is not finished yet! New series are coming out!

Me: What?! But they told me this is Season 1 complete!!

Jason: Cannot be! There are new series. After they won the competition one! When did u buy it?!

Me: Last year ler i think.

Jason: What?! Cannot be! I don't think it's out yet then

Me: But i did buy it before i came back to Kch and watched it in KL too!

Jason: Then you must have been ripped off! Lol Maybe China one!! Suddenly you see China girls and guys come out singing "Don't stop believing"!! HAHAHAHAAH

Me: HAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAH

And life goes on

2010-04-18T02:22:00.006+08:00

I wish time froze. I would be the only person still conscious. Still breathing, talking, and walking. I would walk up to you and tell you everything i felt before time started moving again. I wouldn't have to whisper or panic or cry. I can shout, scream, slap, kick, kiss, and hug you. I know it might seem meaningless doing so especially when you wouldn't know a thing when time starts moving again. But for me, it would mean the world to me.

Cause for a moment there, i had you all to myself.

Wonder how much longer can this broken heart go on. It needs a good fixing. It needs you.

2010-04-17T14:14:00.002+08:00

I wonder if there's a word for every emotion or actions anyone ever felt or done.

2010-04-17T14:01:00.002+08:00

The more she felt, the more helpless she was. She started shaking. She can't stop feeling. It's overwhelming her and she's drowning from all the emotions and tears she cried. She does not want to feel anything anymore. The world will still be moving and she will still be breathing, talking, walking, shouting, working, reading, but there will be no more laughter or sadness, love or hate, happiness or heartaches. No more she said. They're not worth the pain. She's frozen inside but no one will know. She's that good of an actress. Or maybe it's not acting anymore. It has already become a part of her.

2010-04-17T13:58:00.003+08:00

You will never be wrong. Of course not. You're always right. Nth is ever wrong with you. Never. You're perfect. Just the way i hate it. Cause im being drawn to you even more.

Confused

2010-04-09T00:34:00.003+08:00

Why is it that just one nice word from you, any word, puts my heart at ease.

lost

2010-04-09T00:00:00.007+08:00

Did you ever love me? I need you to and I need you now. It's no longer a want. It's a need. A drug. I've never felt this helpless or hopeless before. I've never been so lost and confused. I'm afraid for the first time to do anything. I can't reason with you and I can't talk to you. I feel like I will be piling up the stress and pressure you already have when I try to talk things out. But if I don't, I'll go mad. But than again, it's never about me right. It has always been about you. I did everything I could to make things better. I listened, I followed, I heard, I tried. But when I ask you to do just one small thing like having a proper conversation with me, you go mad. What more must or can I do? I need to understand you but you're not letting me. I need to get through to u. I need you. Don't leave me. Don't go. Stay. Please.

ARGH

2010-04-08T23:38:00.003+08:00

How can i get through to u?! Seriously what's your problem?! I seriously do not understand where you're coming from. You're changing into a whole new different person and you expect me to go along with it?! Then what? Maybe we'll just talk to each other once a month only. Maximum 10 words! Right. Fuck this bullshit.

hmph

2010-01-16T12:48:00.001+08:00

Am i invincible to the world? Bleargh.

Bleargh

2010-01-02T21:49:00.004+08:00

Hmph the decisions to make. The fear, the heartaches, the love, the hurt, the happiness. I don't know what to do. What to say. How to make things right again.

The more he talks about her, the more I feel like IM the third party. I feel like I don't deserve him. I don't deserve to be close with him like before. Like I don't deserve to say anything sweet and caring to him.

Like I don't deserve to be in his life.

I feel so lost. I want him. Of course i want him. I need him. I care for him. I love him goddammit. I don't want to leave. I want everything to be like how it was before.

I HATE HER.

2010-01-01T19:27:00.003+08:00

Owl City is my new Love. <3

New Year's Eve and New Year 2010!

2010-01-01T09:13:00.004+08:00

Omg we had such shitty new year's eve. I fell down at home cause the floor was wet n i didnt know, my housemates and i couldnt decide where to go for the countdown. And we were debating where to go. At first, Damansara for some party at some banglow rented by some friends. Then, we decided Ampang Lookout Point, and den we decided Port Dickson, and then The Curve.

Then we got really indecisive cause Renn and I wanted to go to Port Dickson while Khaled and Nadi wanted to go to The Curve. So then we decided to go to The Curve first and den Port Dickson. So imagine how many times i had to change my outfit, bags, and shoes. And i had to pack and unpack and den pack again my extra clothes for Port Dickson.

So when we were finally ready, it was about 11 and we went to the car and the shittiest thing happened. The car would not start. Such a mood killer. So Nadi was so pissed and he nearly shouted at the car rental dude ( We rented a car ).

So I was calling every car rental dude i know and luckily, one guy had a viva but he can only give it to us at about 12.30 am. But knowing us, we rushed him and we got the car at exactly 12 midnight! So we were yaying shouting bla bla bla. And den we rushed to The Curve!

So on the way to The Curve, we were singing and shouting and playing and den Akon's song - I wanna fuck you was on. So we were singing and singing.

Everyone : Mobbin' through club in low pressing I'm sitting in the back in the smokers section,
birds eye, I got a clear view, you cant see me but I can see you.

Nadi, Khaled, I : It's cool we jet

Renn : *quiet for awhile , and then* HAHA cause you're black!!!!

Nadi and I :, the mood is set...... HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

Khaled's "black" and we always do black jokes on him lols. But he's cool with that cause we're cool with him =b

But anyways, we reached The Curve at about 1.30am and there was nth there left except for the jam. We left at about 2 sth, went to ss2 to get sth to eat, and den off to Port Dickson at about 3 sth. Reached there at about 4 sth and chilled, drank, played, sung, cam whored n everything else till about 7 sth and then we bathed, and came home.

I've just reached home, we're gonna bath, and den head over to ss2 to get the films developed and to get bfast! Extremely sleepy and tired but still all worth it. So anyways,

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010!

It saddens me

2009-12-31T00:38:00.003+08:00

It saddens me to see how much you can give or go the extra mile for someone else but not even try for a bit when it comes to me.

Quotes :)

2009-01-04T00:10:00.003+08:00

Girl meets boy, girl falls hard, boy doesn't even stumble.

While i was holding on, all you did was LET GO

Sometimes it's better to be alone. No one can hurt you that way.

You only love him because you fear that he's the only one that will love you back

You're the one who broke my heart. You're the reason my world fell apart. You're the one that made me cry. And yet, i'm still in love with you, and i don't know why.

The saddest thing in the world is loving someone who used to love u.

Your heart isin't plastic, and it isin't a toy. but if you want it broken, give it to a boy

I wonder how many times we'll have to say goodbye before we finally let go.

The sadness..

2008-12-27T19:49:00.003+08:00

2008-12-25T20:32:00.003+08:00

December is a month of heartaches. No ho fucking Christmas. December sucks.

2008-12-25T20:14:00.004+08:00

I want to disappear. Somewhere i cannot be found or recognized. I can start a whole new life there again. I wanna be in a place where unicorns exist.. A place which only consist of nice caring people. Especially boys that wont break your heart. Where happily ever after truly does exist. And not just for the lucky ones.

You left me hanging on a thread. You left in the middle of a convo. You never make things clear. It's just u. Expecting everyone to know everything. I'm stuck in transition. Not knowing where should i go. Waiting for the light to turn green or red.

This might mean nth to u. But it's driving me crazy. No sleep, no food, no nth. Just the numbness and snapping at people.. This is so fucked up.

How can a boy affect me this much. It's ridiculous. Stupid.

Beyonce - Single ladies

2008-12-22T13:48:00.002+08:00

<3 this

2008-12-20T23:13:00.003+08:00

We either only focus on the big picture, and the small details are forgotten and overseen or we focus on the small little details that we miss out on the big thing.

Can we do both? Is it possible?

Black and white

2008-12-20T21:42:00.004+08:00

It was easy back then when we were kids. Black and white. Right and wrong. It was a piece of cake. When in wrong, just say sorry. No guilt. No feeling sorry for yourself. It was a piece of cake. Say thank you. Say excuse me. Say please. You'll then get all the cookies, love and affection.

As we grow older, things got blurrier. Everything was mixed up. We start seeing more, feeling more, learning more, talking more. The good and the bad all inside our head, hitting and slamming into us like restless waves.

New colors were introduced to us. Blue, red, yellow. And then, you learn how to mix them up. And then you get beige, pink, magenta, ocean blue, whichever color you want. The world was yours as you slowly forget the basic colors. Your roots. Your needs. You get greedier. You forget everything else as you grow.

Do we say thank you when we steal? Do we say I'm sorry when we murder. Do we say please when we shoplift?

We slowly make up excuses for our wrong beings. We start to believe in God, taboos, witchcraft; whichever teachings or beliefs that reflect our own. Something we can hide our wrong doings and turn it into something else which we THINK is noble or right. We start to confide in them because it helps us feel better inside. That we have something to help us support our sad pathetic excuses.

You want to explore more colors. And if you get an ugly one, or one which you do not want, you'll say it's fate. Or it's all in God's hands. We get to bring justice in our wrong doings. Twisted little world.

Where are our carefree young happy souls? We're just hiding inside this shallow body of ours cause we care about what the world thinks. We live according to society. Fear, ego, bla bla bla.

All because it's much more "prettier" or "exciting" than just the basic dull black and white.

2008-12-20T14:08:00.003+08:00

Sighs I feel so used. Haha maybe I'm just being overly sensitive. But baby, sometimes you gotta know the limit. You can't keep doing this.

I still have feelings. I have the patience for you but please do not take advantage of it.

Be careful. I'm getting tired of this.

2008-12-19T19:29:00.004+08:00

Today I went out with mummy for lunch n den followed her around to do her business. And while she was driving, she drove over a bump kinda fast and i was like " WWhhhooaa!"

I think she already knew that I was about to complain so she started talking right away

Mummy: Aiyarr!! This one.. this one..

Me: What this onee.. You know how to drive over bumps or not..

Mummy: No no this one.. You cannot scold the people who build the bumps you know..

Me: What scold the people! I'm complaining bout u!

Mummy: No no.. you cannot complain about them.. because because.. they drive motorbike.. So they do not know how "hiong" the bump is..

Me: I'm not complaining about them! It's you! You know you gotta slow down when ur near a bump!

Mummy *oblivious to me* : They don't know how to estimate the height.. the length..the speed all those maa..

Me: This has nth to do with them!

Mummy * giving up on the workers* : I'm not the one making the bumps ma.. I don't know the height..the length.. So how do i know when to slow down and how to cross over the bump

Me: Everyone knows you slow down when you're near a bump! It's so obvious. No matter how big or small the bump is, if u drive thru it without slowing down you'll still jump...

Mummy: Aiyar.. different bump different ways laaa.. This one not same one..

I gave up..

So we went to the bank.. And she turned a corner way too early so she kinda bumped and went up the sidewalk.

Me being cynical and all : So this is also the worker's fault?

Mummy: This one ar... this one contractor lousy one! Makan kopi o one laaa..! Fail one fail one!.. Faster take picture! I want to complain!

Me: ...................

2008-12-19T19:22:00.001+08:00

"I'm tired... I think it's time to go."
"Just a little longer."
"We're always gonna want just a little longer."
"I don't think I can do it."
"It's okay."
"It's NOT okay. Why is it okay with you?
Why aren't you angry?"
"It's not the last feeling I want to experience."

2008-12-19T13:13:00.003+08:00

You tell me this today. And you tell me that the next. I'm still confused. You can say sth the total opposite of what you've just told me a few days ago.

Are whatever words that comes out from your oh so kissable lips not trust able at all? Or do you think it's just words that people won't take seriously?

I don't get your jokes sometimes. I really don't know when you're serious or not cause you can just come on to me later and said hey i told you so.. but you weren't joking then..

Or am I the joke?

2008-12-18T20:22:00.001+08:00

WHAT DO YOU WWWAANNNTT?!?!?!

J e s s i c a

2008-12-18T19:56:00.001+08:00

She wants to know if I love her,
that’s all anyone wants from anyone else,
not love itself,
but the knowledge that love is there,
like regularly replacing unused batteries
for the flashlight in the emergency kit

in the hall closet.

2008-12-17T18:18:00.004+08:00

It feels like a one way street with you.

One minute i feel like you do want me.. The next, i feel like you can't wait to throw me to the curb.

I'm really confused. All these emotions r tiring me down. What more can I do?

Explain to me. What do you want. What do you really feel. Make it clear.

Don't just pretend like there's nothing wrong. You know how i feel. You know what I want. You're either playing the fool and continue ignoring it or you really don't know?

I'm all restless inside. I need an answer.

2008-12-16T15:35:00.004+08:00

You push me away, and you pull me back.
You're leading me in circles
I'm nauseous just waiting for ur replies

What do you really want?
Are you serious?
You said u were.. but did u mean it?

I'm confused and dazed.
I usually have all the answers.
But it's always a huge question mark when it comes to you.

What do you want me to do?
What can i say?
Tell me.

2008-11-30T02:32:00.006+08:00

Tired of the tears...

And the petty things in between.....

The heartaches are a waste of time
Love is a waste of time
A waste of emotion
A waste of me

Tired of feeling unwanted

No I will never learn from my mistakes. Nor will i stop making them. The irony and the stupidity. I get it. I do want to stop. But i can't.

The time spent caring about the person. Loving the significant other. Worrying or being excited for and with the special someone. It's time well wasted. Fruitless.

Everything's just a waste of time..

2008-11-27T19:15:00.003+08:00

When emo,

....Blast your speakers

Zone out.......

`........Day dream

- s m i l e :) -

How

2008-11-26T23:07:00.005+08:00

How do you stop yourself from falling in love?
How do you control yourself??
How do you forget someone so easily?
How do you play with fire and not get burnt?
How do you choose who to fall in love with?

I mean I know you can choose first n den fall but what if she isn't whom you want to fall in love with but u did, what would you do?
How do you get out of it?
How can u stop it?

How do you manage to control yourself?

How do you love someone and deny it?
How can you be with someone you don't love?
How can you love someone else with all your heart but be with someone else whom you don't love?

How do you be heartless?
How do you be "feelingless"?

Teach me..

LOL

2008-11-24T16:24:00.004+08:00

Lol was fucking emo yesterday

But the tears have dried n I'm feeling better

Hmm what other updates have I to update. Oh yes..

I pulled out one problematic tooth of mine. So now I am one tooth short..
It feels so weird when i try to pronounce things. And i really do feel like i have a bloody big hole in my mouth. When i drink water, I can feel it leaking. Hmpft.
I'm gonna go back on Thurs to letak balik!

Oh yes.. yesterday Ayryn and I woke up kinda late. at around 4. We bathed, and went to makan at the mamak. I ordered Nasi Goreng Kg kurang pedas, tambah ikan bilis. My food came with no ikan bilis at all, and pedas .

So naturally i was complaining like nuts to Ayryn.. And she tried it and says it's not TOO pedas la.. Still can eat..

Then i replied, " But you know it's too early to..... * -pauses.. thinks quietly..- wait.. it's 4. early? No..nononono*

Ayryn, " Hahahah! You meant you can't eat such spicy food once u wwaakkee uupp?"

I: Mmm Hmmm...

Anyways was friggin blur the whole week. Hmm..

2008-11-24T03:16:00.000+08:00

He is a player but at least he's not a liar.. :) thanks

2008-11-24T02:25:00.003+08:00

Pull me out from this pool of tears
Save me from the heartaches

How shall i ever get over you
I thought you were the one
I thought this was it

-Boy, did i thought wrong.

Bleargh it's too early for me to emo. We're not even together. We're just two human beings who like each other. Well I do like him. I don't know bout him. Maybe he likes me and 50 other girls

.....Sighs

What do you think?

2008-11-24T02:12:00.001+08:00

This is the sound of a broken heart beating -

2008-11-24T00:13:00.014+08:00

Who am i to you? Do you care? Will you hurt me?

When I asked you to promise me, you could not.
When I asked you why, you said we cannot predict the future.

It's obvious you want the easy way out later on.

You will have your own argument.
You will point everything out. And said I did warn you about it

As if those words are just another hello, goodbye coming out from ur lips.

It's not about me anymore. It's about u. If you want me in ur life, you'll find a way to put me there, and keep me there.

They say love is giving him the power to destroy you but trusting him not to. But can i trust u?

Why hurt me? Why play with me? Please have some compassion. If you're playing just tell it to my face and not lead me on.

Just for the rush of the chase. Or just cause ur lonely.

If it's just temporary, tell me.

.......Please...

2008-11-23T22:42:00.002+08:00

It gets harder during the night when you are all alone

Sighs` Feeling blue..

2008-11-23T19:31:00.003+08:00

Falling for the wrong guy all over again
..

He's a player..
.

* Dear heart, I met a boy.. Prepare to be shattered....

I should not trust ppl so easily should I? But how would i know if it's the truth or not? What if I hurt him for the wrong reasons? Would i rather get hurt than let him get hurt?

What's wrong with me?

Why am I being so considerate. Naive.. Giving him the benefit of the doubt.. Nice? Reasonable? Fair?

Nah.. I'm starting to think I'm more likely to have been stupid rather than any of the above..

And how can they even think of playing around with LOVE? What's wrong with society.

For the thrill of the chase. The fun that comes out from it? Doesn't it get old? Don't you feel that at one point, your life seems so meaningless and empty and everything was just nothing? What is the end result of all the chase? The glory? No..

Don't you want sth that can last? For more than just a few months?

Sigh.. I'm tired

Sighs

2008-11-23T01:23:00.002+08:00

Chinese New Year is not serious

He doesn't want to be serious

He's just playing..
....

...

..

.

breakeven

2008-11-05T20:18:00.001+08:00

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just praying to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her 1st
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven

What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But not wise words gonna stop the bleeding
Cos she's moved on while I'm still grieving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven

What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other ones leaving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)

You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains
Cos you left me with no love, no love to my name.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just praying to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other ones leaving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)

next top model?

2008-10-29T00:29:00.004+08:00

First America's Next Top Model.. Then Australia's Next Top Model.. And now Britain's Next Top Model?! Whoo.. When's Malaysia's Next Top Model?

Hmm.. I still think America's Next Top Model has the hottest girls

2008-10-28T21:22:00.003+08:00

Catch a falling star and put it in ur pocket, never let it fade away

Hmm my sleeping time's screwed up. I sleep at 7 o 8 in the morning and i wake up at 3 o 4 in the afternoon. SHIT.

I tried so hard to sleep before 2 yesterday. I offed my tv and lappie but i was tossing and turning and could not get a min of shut eye. So i woke up, played my DS, on the tv again, and started chattin till it was 5 sth. Argh. i need to wake up for classes!!

argh

2008-10-25T03:05:00.003+08:00

I feel so depressed. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fucked up. I need someone to love. I want a serious relationship. No more flings. I need to find the right guy. Argh! I so fucking emo now.

2008-10-24T01:55:00.002+08:00

I think I'm just afraid that i can't find someone good enough who has all the qualifications to call mine

Curi makan

2008-10-24T00:15:00.004+08:00

Rich or poor, they will still curi makan. So we might as well find a rich guy right?

ps- curi makan = cheat on a spouse

bleargh

2008-10-23T04:15:00.004+08:00

I shud be asleep
I NEED to be asleep

But i dun want to.. =(
I just cant.. sob! Tak sampai hati wanna sleep lar.. What's wrong with me?! I got presentation at 9 summore! Shet!

Hmm

2008-10-21T21:57:00.003+08:00

Been quite some time since i've blogged. Let's see what happened. Bar Celona on Thurs. Celebrated Renn's, Jeff's, and Brandy's bday at the same time. Got pretty ttiippssyyy . Pictures will be updated soon

And then we drank again on Sat night. At first it was just Black Label with coke. Then we ran out of coke so it was raw. And then, we got bored and decided to mix Black Label with Bear Beer into my ceral mug. Tee hee hee. Instant KO after 2 mugs. Wahaha

And then i skipped class on Monday cause i was too tired and i could not wake up. I do not have enuff sleep. Practically slept for less than 5 hours everyday for the whole week. Woke up, went out till around 1am. Wonder how much longer can my body take.

2008-10-18T01:36:00.003+08:00

1pm sth - Bangun, mandi

2pm - Makan

4pm - Got back home

6pm - Left for sunway

7pm sth- Reached Mediskin

8.30pm - Reached home

10pm sth - Left for Bangsar to eat

12pm - Reached Bangsar.

It took us nearly 2 hours to get to Bangsar. Just as we were reaching Bangsar, Nisha took a wrong turn and we were very well on our way back to Puchong. Then we drove all the way back to Bangsar using Federal Highway and she was ssoo blur the whole way. The traffic light says red, she can still cross the road slowly and suddenly stop in the middle, reverse, and wait. Kesian her. Still hangovering. Drats. Everyone's so blur.

Oh snap

2008-10-17T16:13:00.003+08:00

Last night on the way to pick up Kiki and Haziq from Desaria, Renn and I saw two malay guys in their early 20s snatching an old lady's bag.

They actually pushed her to the ground in the middle of the road and hit her but the old lady would not let go. And when we slowed down and wanted to help the aunty, they actually hit her harder and ran. And and, what got me REALLY mad was that they were still SMILLING while running. WTF!

How can you push a helpless old lady down and hit her summore. And she was obviously quite poor cause it was those kampung area. She was crying anf shouting and we felt so helpess cause we could not chase them. We were wearing heels and they were at the other side of the road. Fuck those bastards la. Rott in hell. Get murdered in the gnarliest way ever. Mother fuckers.

Oh.. btw, im hangingovering now... Shit so sleepy.

woosshh

2008-10-17T03:03:00.002+08:00

Tipsy baby.. i'm tipsy.. lols. Just came back from barcelona and i can't believe im bloggin. Renn's, Brandy's and Jeff's bday celebration.. hahaha was shouting and dancing and drinking like there's no tomorrow.

When i got home, i even forgotten to close the front door until i went halfway up the stairs. I nearly brought my fffoootttwweeaarrr up to my room * yep i was barefoot all the way since i stepped into the car* and I nearly fell asleep in my bathroom

Now im enjoying my McD hahahahhahahahahaahhaha Y am i bbllooggiinnggg!!!!!!!

the tiredness

2008-10-16T00:36:00.005+08:00

Wasted my time staying up till 6 trying to understand managerial accounting. She wrote the steps and answers to all the questions in the quiz on the board. I love her

I did not even hear my alarm today. Ayryn sorta woke me up when she called me at 8.57am and asked if i was ready. Came back at around 1 sth. Then went out at 5 to pavilion. Walked till my legs were sore. I'm so effing tired. I don't know how much longer i can keep this up

On another note... I dun miss him that often already but i still do miss him... I miss him.. I miss him most during the nights when i don't have anyone to hold

oh no!

2008-10-15T02:03:00.004+08:00

Could not study. Was doing everything else other than studying. N i just got back from Old Town. And now im sleepy

What's wrong with me! Sth's wrong this sem. Everyone's slacking and there's no motivation to do anything. At least the past sems i gave 10%. This sem i give.. -100%..

how how how how hooowwwww?!?!?!?!!?!?!?

Acckk

2008-10-14T23:53:00.002+08:00

I found out at around 6 that i have quiz tomorrow on managerial accounting. Bad enuff i did not know about the quiz but i rarely attend her classes and have no idea when it comes to accounting.

I'm screwed. By a c c o u n t i n g s. Ewwww

mm hmm

2008-10-14T04:38:00.003+08:00

Went out to get food at ard 2 sth. We wanted yee mee but could not find any. We went to Seri Kembangan but all the food stalls were closed already. We went to a few restaurants or cafe, but they were all closed too.

Me:Puchong la.. maybe got..

Jeff: Go Klang la! Sure got one.. Can order..

Renn: Don't want! I want those hawker stalls one la! Still got open ar in Klang?

Jeff: Uh.. got.. no.. uh.. don't know la!

Renn: Aiyar.. you this time won't know one la.. Usually during this time you already drunk one... *Jeff cant drink =b *

So we decided to go Puchong to get ffoooddd.

Me: Eh dun tell me in the end we makan Mcd or KFC ar! Find so susah den eat that..

Renn and Jeff: Wont la!

So on the way to puchong, we decided to go to USJ instead. We tried finding Tian Tian but cud not find it. Then we went to Taipan but all the shops was closed. Then Jeff had this stupid idea.

Jeff: Eh why don't we just go 7-11, buy maggi cup and eat outside la.. very syok one..

Renn: Eh can oso! u wan ar?

Jeff: EHH dun la!!! i was just testing u! mana tau u really want! nononono!

Renn: Go la... not bad ma.. Eh if we really bring you go 7-11 eat how ar?

Jeff: I will curse you while i eat lor! Pukimak Renn.. Bring me go eat maggi in 7-11. Cibai knn etc etc

So we started finding for more hawker stalls but could not find any. But we saw alot of 7-11!

Renn: Eh got alot of 7-11 ere la.. You really don't want meh?!

Jeff: Here oso got alot of grass! You want onot?!

Renn and I :Wahahah!

Me: Eh we go Summit la! Maybe got..

Jeff : Dun laaaaa!!!! You all find like that till tomorrow i also cannot eat already laa!!!

Jeff: Eh we eat KFC laa!!! I see the girl eating the hotdog i already want la! Got nuggets summore.!! *Billboard adds*

Me: SEE SEE! I told u! In the end sure KFC or Mcd one!!!!

Oh and Jeff was really unlucky the whole day so we were like cursing him. See one big lorry by the road side we also drive damn slow..

Me:Eh slower slower!!

Renn: Ya ya! got lorry

Jeff: Eh! by the road side la! u can pass one la ok!

Me: We know la! But you so suay.. We scared suddenly the lorry tumbang on us how!

There were many other LOL sessions but lupa dah.. and malas oso la nyek nyek nyek..It would be nicer if you were actually there. I don't think it'll sound funny when you read it.

The leaders of tomorrow

2008-10-13T18:11:00.004+08:00

I was sleeping oh so peacefully at ard 3 sth when Jeffrey knocked at my door

Jeff: Jess!! *knock knock knock* JEESS!

Renn: She's not in gua..

Jeff: Jeeesssss!!! *knock knock knock*

I wake up, damn blur, opened the door.

Renn and Jeff :

Renn: You oso din go class is it?!

Me: I went for morning class. Then tak tahan come home sleep d .

Renn: Haha i did not even go to class. I just woke up. I slept at 7 sth wei .

Jeff: You all no future la!! Class also din go!

Me: You went to class mer?!

Jeff: I went to 2-4 class ok !

Me: Morning class u go mer?!

Jeff: haha.. no la.........

Me: YOU ALSO NO FUTURE LA!!!

Renn: Eh jom makan..

And with this, i present u the bright future leaders from D 40 A =)

bah

2008-10-12T20:29:00.001+08:00

L O V E`` heard of it? Felt it? Embraced it? Been in it? I want those too =( But how do i know? Hmm

2008-10-12T20:02:00.004+08:00

i had a fucked up nightmare last night. I was over the top tired and exhausted but when i slept for not more than 10 mins, i woke up wide awake not daring to move o sleep.

I dreamt that i was suddenly a robot in a battle ground in a PLAYGROUND fighting evil robots. The world was in my hands. *Geez i cant even take k of myself and if i had the take k of the world, we know sth went wrong on the way.* N i was hurt really badly cause come on, it was me against many many many of em! But suddenly my friends came and they were all like those power rangers ppl, transforming into me o wadever that looks like me trying to distract the evil robots while i tried to escape.

But halfway while escaping, my friends got hurt n i was suddenly into super protective mode again and wanted to go back and help. But my creator ( Yes i even have a creator ) pulled me away again but the evil robots hit me and i was lying on the ground motionless. * Up to here, i felt like a child . Who the hell dreams aboout being an android saving the world at the age of 20?! *

That was when i knew it was already a dream n i was trying so hard to move but i cant. But i can hear Juno(Renn's dog) running around me and somewhat digging a hole on the ground just behind my head. WTF man. Then i tried to open my eyes as wide as possible but it keeps trying to shut and then i tried to wake up but i cant. So i had to struggle to move, open my eyes, and wake up for a few mins before i woke up.

On the lights, On my songs louder, Went out to find Renn, and tried to stay awake* FUCK

I was a friggin andriod saving the world. That's so cool! But i did not like the part where i couldnt wake up. A dream in a dream? shit

sob

2008-10-10T02:48:00.003+08:00

aahhhh omg im so so sick =( I have cough fever and flu. I slept the whole day n i can't sleep now. But i'm tired and exhausted cause of the medicine and my head feels heavy.. oh the paaiinnnn. I've never been this blur before. sigh

oh the joy!

2008-10-08T11:38:00.003+08:00

I've finally got my lappie and i've been abusing it again. Lol Rarely off-ing it.. That's how my mother board in my old lappie crashed.. swt. But anyways yeah I'm happy with it even tho i had to install microsoft office, antivirus, and photoshop myself.. tee hee hee.

But i found out last night one of my speaker's wire kinda got screwed.. So i'm only using one side of the speaker. The other side is now literally just for deco. Hmpft. Gotta buy new wires =( The irony. Can't I be fully satisfied with something for once?! Hmm So wad's up people of the dying world?!

2008-10-06T00:47:00.000+08:00

life's a bitch

the chiak pa bo su cho ness

2008-10-05T13:58:00.004+08:00

ooo ooo ooo!! a week ago, Jolene, Nisha, Sita, and I went to somewhere near SS2 to makan nasi kandar. Yeah i know..nth interesting there.. wait for it.. wait for it....

........We used 7 highways to get there n back >.<

2008-10-04T14:33:00.003+08:00

Argh I'm so bored! I have all these sudden urges to do assignments BUT i dun have the assignment outlines AND no printer. Such a waste of urge!! Eurgh I seriously need my laptop now and i also need to install microsoft office.. =(

woosh

2008-10-04T03:22:00.006+08:00

Just came bac from hmm Cheras and Jln Pudu XD. Renn and I went to visit my mom in Cheras for awhile n after that went to have chickie rice in Jln Pudu. And only the fishball soup was nice =/

On the way back in the highway, there was no car at all

Renn: eh no car at all.. four lanes oso we conquer

Me: Yeah!!! can turn ere n dere

Renn: We do one 360 degree turning n go round and round oso can!

Me: Reverse, stop, go oso can wei

Renn: Ya we can do dat now

*Car screeches to a stop*

*Reverse 1 metre*

*Stop*

*Moves forward*

Renn: Eh got car behind us d! got gang!!!

Me: HAHAHA

Miss those times when it's just the both of us XD

jump jump and shout!

2008-10-03T13:18:00.002+08:00

My laptop's gonna be ere on monday!!! Hopefully there won't be anymore delays or changes and the laptop will not have any problems.
Keeping my fingers crossed!!
so ecstatic!

check yes juliet

2008-10-02T23:45:00.004+08:00

Old song which i <3

2008-10-02T22:59:00.003+08:00

I thought i could never love him again but i guess the feeling crept back into me..
Now i miss him like nuts. Haha!
No not HIM..
My bf <3 *aww*

Wonder where it'll go from ere.
Mebbe it's just infatuation all over again?
Back to basics. =D

1 2 3 set go.
Let's all fall in love again =)

="(

2008-10-01T17:52:00.002+08:00

Aww the bf has left. I never thought i'd miss him this bad.. sob sob

i miss him i miss him i miss him i miss him

hopeless

2008-09-26T13:57:00.006+08:00

I'm done with waiting.
I might not be over you but I will.
I must.

You don't love her no more,
but u still don't love me.
Instead, you found someone else new.

I'm just as invisible as the air you breathe.
I guess i stood at the wrong line in waiting.
The line which was never there.

No more baby..

..................no more
................no more

You did this to yourself.

One day you're gonna miss me bad.
By then, I'll be laughing at you.
Not meaning a thing me,
like me not meaning a thing to you.
For now.

While she smiles thru her broken heart.......

so true

2008-08-15T18:41:00.001+08:00

I'm an addict for dramatics
I confuse the two for love

stubborn

2008-08-14T22:30:00.005+08:00

Every time i keep telling myself to let go,
To stop all these nonsense,
To not get hurt again,
To be strong,
I really try.
I tried,
Still trying.

But every time I say "Ok, this has gone too far. I'm gonna stop." ,
My heart goes, "Aww, wad's one more day?"
But as many more "one more day" passes by,
I fall harder for u.

2008-08-12T02:44:00.003+08:00

How do u say i love u and not mean it?
How do u say i miss u not mean it?
How can u fool a man's heart for such a long time?
How much longer can i keep this up?

I hate lying.
I hate the guilt.
I want to be free but i need him for companionship
No one can accompany me like he does.

On a completely diff note, my heart still beats when i see him. The other him..
It still hurts when i think about the situation we're in.
Why can't i forget him?

Every time i try to leave, sth keeps pulling me back, telling me i need him in my life

Argh I need a bucket to puke all my butterflies out.

2008-08-10T19:05:00.002+08:00

Ur only happie when ur sad and it's killing me

You push me away for the first time, oh
I can see, this will be just another landslide,
You push me away for the last time
And I'm over it, but in the meantime
You push me away for the last time