Boo. I come from out of this planet. No superhero but i will save the world. Im crazy. I have a string of random thoughts from my head. Call me delusional. Spongebob's my friend.
She wants to know if I love her,
that’s all anyone wants from anyone else,
not love itself,
but the knowledge that love is there,
like regularly replacing unused batteries
for the flashlight in the emergency kit
in the hall closet.
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Friday, January 25, 2008Y
jokes
Little Johnny's jokes are so funnily dirty.. tee hee hee. enjoyyyyyyyyy.... :
Little Johnny woke up in the middle of the night and went to the bathroom. On the way back to bed, he passed his parents room. When he looked in, he noticed the covers bouncing. He called to his dad, "Hey Dad, what are you doing?"
The dad answered, "Playing Cards". Little Johnny asked, "Whose your partner?"
The dad answered, " Your mom".
Little Johnny then passed by his older sister's room.Again, he noticed the covers bouncing.
He called to his sister, "Hey Sis, what are you doing?"
The sister answered, "Playing Cards." Little Johnny asked, "Whose your partner?" She answered, "My boyfriend."
A little later, the Dad got up and went to the bathroom (naturally). As he passed Little Johnny's room, he noticed the covers bouncing.
He called to his son, "what are you doing?"
Little Johnny answered, "Playing Cards."
The Dad asked, "Really? Whose your partner?"
Little Johnny answered,... "You don't need a partner if you have a good hand!"
Dirty Little Johnnie is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name.
"Yeah teach?" he replies.
"If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher.
Johnnie answers "Well, teach, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun, the loud noise is gonna make them all fly off."
"No, Johnnie, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shotgun, but I like the way you're thinking." the teacher responds.
"Well, teach, I've got a question for you... There are 3 women that come out of an ice-cream parlor, one is biting her ice-cream cone, one is licking it, and one is sucking on it. Which one is married?"
The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers, "Well, uh, gee Johnnie, I guess the one that's sucking on the ice cream."
Johnnie replies "No teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking!"
Little Johnnie wanted $100 very badly; his mother told him to pray to God for it. He prayed for two weeks but nothing turned up. Then he decided perhaps he should write God a letter requesting the $100. When the post office received the letter addressed to God, they opened it and decided to send it to the President.
The President was so impressed, touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy $5. He thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little Johnnie was delighted with the $5 and sat down to write a thank-you letter, which read as follows;
Dear God, Thank you very much for sending me the money. I noticed that you had to send it through Washington. As usual, those thieving bastards deducted $95.
Little Johnny, his younger brother, Billy, and their parents are watching TV. Mommy looks at her husband and winks at him. Daddy gets the message and says, "Excuse us for a few minutes, boys, we're going up to our room for a little while." Pretty soon Little Johnny becomes curious, goes upstairs and sees the door to his parents bedroom is ajar. He peeks in for a few minutes, trots downstairs, gets his little brother takes him up to peek into the bedroom. "Before you look in there," he says, "keep in mind this is the same woman who smacked our bums for sucking our thumbs."
One day little Johnny went to his father and asked him if he couldbuy him a $200.00 bicycle for his birthday. Johnny's father said,"Johnny, we have an $80,000 mortgage on the house, and you want meto buy you a bicycle? We can't afford it, wait until Christmas."Christmas came around and Johnny asked his dad again. His fathersaid, "Well, the mortgage is still extremely high. Sorry, we can'tafford it. Ask me again some other time." Well, about 2 days later,Johnny was walking out of the house with all his belongings in asuitcase. His father said, "Why are you leaving?" Johnny said,"Yesterday I was walking past your room, and I heard you say thatyou were pulling out and Mommy said that you should wait becauseshe was coming too." "DAMN me if I'll get stuck with an $80,000mortgage!"
It is near the end of the school year. The teacher has turned in her grades. There is really nothing to do and all the kids are restless. The teacher says, "Whoever answers the questions I ask first and correctly can leave early today." Little Johnny says to himself, "Good, I want to get outta here I'm smart and will answer the question". The teacher asked, "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?
Before Johnny could open his mouth, Joya said, "Abraham Lincoln". The teacher said, "That's right Joya. You can go". Johnny was MAD. The teacher asked, "Who said, 'I Have a Dream'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Mary said, "Martin Luther King". The teacher said, "That's right Mary. You can go".
Johnny was even MADDER than before. The teacher asked, "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Marol said, "John Kennedy". The teacher said, "That's right Marol. You can go". Johnny was BOILING MAD. Then the teacher turned her back, and Johnny said, "I wish these women would keep their mouths shut".
The teacher asked, "WHO SAID THAT?" Johnny said, "BILL CLINTON, CAN I GO NOW?"
